


Aardvark

by camichats



Series: Dictionary Prompts [1]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 12:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14715894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Peter brings something to the Tower and Tony is Not Pleased.





	Aardvark

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Трубкозуб](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516411) by [fandom RDJ_and_Stark 2018 (fandom_Robert_Downey_Jr_2017)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_Robert_Downey_Jr_2017/pseuds/fandom%20RDJ_and_Stark%202018), [remontada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/remontada/pseuds/remontada)



> I have no idea.

Tony entered his living room and immediately wished he hadn’t. “What,” he said, his back pressed to the wall next to the elevator he’d just gotten off, “the  _ fuck _ is that thing?” 

“An aardvark,” Peter said, sitting on the couch nonchalantly and studying the animal as it tottered around in confusion. 

“Why?” 

“You told me I should learn more about Earth that wasn’t just music.” 

Tony looked at Peter incredulously, who was still looking at the frankly disgusting looking animal walking around on Tony’s floor. Good lord he was going to have to call in a team to replace the floor ASAP. Once he got that  _ thing _ out of his home of course. “I did not mean that to be an invitation to bring disease ridden creatures in.” 

“He’s not disease ridden,” Peter waved him off. 

“I have a weak immune system.” When that got no reaction, he whined, “Peter.” 

“Has anyone told you you’re a big baby?” 

“That is not a pet! It’s an exotic animal!” He thought. He was pretty sure. “Do you know how much trouble I could get in?” 

Peter raised an eyebrow. “You care about getting in trouble now?” 

Tony glared at him. “Mistreating animals is ridiculously bad PR, even for superheroes.” 

“We’re not mistreating him though. Look at him, he’s fine.” 

“Yeah I’m sure he feels right at home on  _ marble floors _ with the occasional rug in an air conditioned building two hundred feet above the ground in goddamn  _ New York _ .” He should have never gotten off the elevator. He should’ve known better than to want lunch with his boyfriend while he still had work he could be doing-- and actually wanted to do. This is what he gets for trying to pretend like he was working a normal 9-5. 

“You’re overreacting.” 

Tony folded his arms over his chest, keeping one eye on the wayward animal. “Peter. It doesn’t belong here. I don’t want it here,  _ it _ doesn’t want to be here-- put it back where you got it.” 

Peter sighed and stood, and Tony studiously ignored how good he looked because he was mad right now, god damn it. “It’s not like he was happier in the zoo.” 

“You stole him from the zoo?! Peter- that, you can’t- what,” Tony spluttered. “How?” 

Peter shrugged and scooped up the aardvark. 

“Oh my god you are touching that thing with your bare hands right now oh my god. For the love of everything good in this world, do not get caught. Hopefully no one noticed and this can all be a bad memory that I’ll chalk up to being a nightmare.” 

“I still think you’re overreacting,” Peter said as he slipped on his shoes and went to the elevator. Tony quickly moved out of the way (give or take fifteen feet). “What no kiss goodbye?” 

“You do not get to touch me until you have taken a decontamination shower, followed by two normal ones.” 

“Aww but babe--” 

“No. Absolutely not.” 

“Fine.” Peter sent him an air kiss, complete with cheeky wink. It would have been cute and had Tony jumping him were it not for, you know, the fucking animal he’d stolen in his arms. It wasn’t even cute! It was like an armadillo only  _ worse _ because this one was in his tower. 

“What the fuck Peter,” he said to himself. He would have said it to Peter’s face, only the elevator had already closed. “J?” 

“Already on it, sir.” 

“Thank you.” He paused. “Is there a reason you didn’t tell me that thing was in my house?” 

“Mr. Quill asked me not to.” 

“And you listened?” Tony asked incredulously. 

“I scanned it for disease when he entered, and it was clean.” 

“Since when are you an expert in aardvarks?” 

“Since thirty minutes ago, when Mr. Quill entered with it.” 

Tony made a considering look. “Well. Like father like son. Good job, J. In the future though, don’t let him enter with any animal that a normal person would get arrested for, okay?” 

“Very well, sir. I ask that you break the news to Mr. Quill yourself.” 

Tony huffed. “Fine. I’m going back to the shop, let me know when you’ve erased all trace of that thing in here.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [@cami-chats](http://cami-chats.tumblr.com)


End file.
